“Gilmore Girls,” the beloved TV show that follows Rory Gilmore — a high-achieving student applying to college — reflects a difficult decision made by many high school seniors: where to go to college. Rory is pressured by her family — particularly by her Yale University-alum grandparents who paid for her high school tuition — and eventually ends up attending Yale. Although the show is fictional, the family situation Rory finds herself in is not unlike what many high schoolers are going through. Family pressure around college is unfair, and further complicates a huge decision for a 17 or 18-year-old student to make.
“I feel like [family] gave me the pressure that I have to get into one big school, just for the sake of getting in,” says a Franklin senior who wishes to remain anonymous due to concerns of her family’s reaction. “I don’t even actually wanna go there.” Many students may feel pressured by their family legacy or generational achievements, which could bend the decision-making process.
The anonymous student explains how she plans to major in neuroscience or psychology, eventually planning to become a neurosurgeon. Several people in her family have become doctors, adding pressure to follow that path as well, although this student does not actually want to become a surgeon. “It’s definitely a pressure thing, because I want to become an artist or a dancer,” she explains. When faced with the question of what a dream job or career is, it can be hard to think about. It’s easy to focus on how it makes others feel instead of yourself and what you actually want to do.
This Franklin student is not alone. According to the 2023 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Youth Risk Behavior Survey, nearly 30% of high school students reported feeling sad or hopeless every day for weeks in a row. For many high schoolers, academics are the number one priority, resulting in mental health, social interaction, sleep, and nutrition being pushed to the side.
In her book, “Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—And What We Can Do About It,” Jennifer Breheny Wallace writes about the college admissions landscape, one headed by achievement burnout and family pressure. “Where achievement becomes toxic is when we tangle up our entire sense of self and value with our achievements,” she writes. “When you have to achieve in order to matter.”
As a student, there are tools at Franklin to help mitigate the stress from the college application and decision process. Martin Rodriguez, the career coordinator at Franklin, explains how the state of Oregon is now requiring a semester of personal finance class, as well as a semester of higher education and career planning skills class. This program will allow for “time that’s structured for [students] to stay on track with their college and career goals,” he says. Not every student’s family has experience with post-secondary education and career exploration; thus, having structured time at school can encourage further knowledge of the potential post-high school college and career that exist. Rodriguez highlights how it’s important for students to “really focus on what you’re good at and what you’re interested in now and … figuring out what career path aligns with that,” which may be found through different educational pathways, trade programs, or working.
Contrary to Rodriguez’s advice, many students are in both extracurriculars and classes that don’t necessarily align with their interests, just to strengthen their transcript. Parents can often push their kids to engage with many different activities, sometimes leading to burnout. This can also be counterintuitive to admissions, since many colleges emphasize students who pursue multiple years in classes and programs that relate to the major they are applying for.
Beyond looking for clear academic interest, institutions typically require transcripts that list GPA and coursework, personal essays, letters of recommendation, a list of extracurricular activities, and sometimes SAT or ACT scores. It’s important to prepare ahead of applications to ensure you have the right documents to fill out the application. Building a strong transcript that highlights students’ achievements, experiences, and abilities can stand out to admissions officers. Students may take Advanced Placement classes, participate in clubs, volunteer, and participate in internships and career opportunities to build an appealing transcript.
There are typically four application times for most universities in the United States. Early decision (ED) is a binding decision reserved for a single college, and requires you to attend if accepted. Binding decisions can be great for students who know exactly where they want to go, though this decision can be pressuring for those who applied ED to please their family by having the obligation of attending, if accepted, even if they don’t totally want to go there. Then there’s early action (EA), which is nonbinding, allowing students to apply to other schools. Application deadlines are typically in November, and students generally expect to receive notification of acceptance or rejection in mid-December to late January. EA may give students peace of mind by knowing their options earlier. Rolling admissions, where colleges review applications as they come in, notify students 4-6 weeks after their application is submitted. Offering space on a first-come, first-served basis, this application process is less typical, only being offered by about a quarter of U.S. colleges.
The burden of family pressure and academic success can pile up throughout high school. By the time college applications come around, students may be burnt out, overwhelmed, or unprepared due to the high standards society has set. It is important to research and discuss future plans throughout high school, to understand your own interests and goals, and to communicate plans and aspirations to your family. Focusing self-worth on yourself as a person rather than grades will increase your confidence and not make everything about school. As the Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”
