Under (Lack of) Pressure

DISCLAIMER: The Franklin Post is a publication that encourages free speech and thinking. However, the opinions of the following satire represent the opinions only of the writer, and not of the page editor, editorial staff, or The Franklin Post as a whole.

 

Where is our water pressure? When PPS spent 113 million on state of the art facilities, we expected results. What we received was plumbing issues and drinking fountains that offer more disease than water. Some have offered their explanations as to why the facilities don’t function as intended. “Personally, I blame Trump,” says one angst- ridden freshman in between fruitless attempts to coax liquid from a nearby drinking fountain. “I don’t have proof, but it’s 2017 so anything goes.” Everything from aliens to rogue millennials have been suggested, but the most supported explanation is that it was “stupid Cleveland.” Regardless of the reason, droves of sad-eyed students with chapped lips and empty Hydro Flasks migrate long distances on a daily basis to the fertile, water- rich lands of the gym building.
This issue has recently reached the rest of the nation, with Jeff Sessions taking it up as “The next Watergate.” This leads the public to believe that this is just another distraction from the train wreck that is Washington, and that Sessions doesn’t understand what Watergate was. Despite government involvement however, there is still no change in the situation at Franklin High School, and given the turnaround time on disaster relief in this country, we can expect big fixes in 2019.

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