November 2020 Horoscope Roast

Disclaimer: This horoscope was written by someone who has no astrological accreditation whatsoever, and is not meant to offend in any way.

Aries: People are most likely just agreeing with you to get you to shut up. Sorry, but you’re not always right. 

Taurus: You can take a 2 hour break from that one person/pet that you’ve become emotionally dependent on over quarantine. It’s okay, we know you have separation anxiety. Drink some water.

Gemini: Choose one personality and stick with it for the whole week. I believe in you! 

Cancer: Stop pretending you don’t want to talk about your feelings. You do, baby, you do. 

Leo: It’s okay to be the center of attention sometimes. Let yourself be the star. I know that’s hard for you.

(Just kidding. Chill.)

Virgo: Getting an 85 on a quiz is not a bad grade. Stop complaining about it. 

Libra: The flavor of chips that you choose will not affect your life in the long term. Set a two minute time limit for yourself and stop standing aimlessly in front of the chip rack.

Scorpio: Not everything is a competition, sweetie. But if that’s what makes you feel good about yourself, you do you.

Sagittarius: Maybe work on that little impulsivity issue you have. Think it out. Take a deep breath. 

Capricorn: Chill on that superiority complex of yours, we know you’re secretly insecure.

Aquarius:  Your ideas are cool I guess, but some of them need to stay in your head just a little bit longer. Let them sit there for a while; maybe one or two of them will make their way back to reality. 

Pisces: You do not have a moral obligation to be miserable. Maybe try listening to some happy music for once (“Hell n Back” by Bakar, “Window” by Noname, or “Dream Girl” by Ivy Sole are all good ones).

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