They say Lysol is three times stronger in terms of killing germs. Maybe lifting it like a weight will make you three times as strong. Photo by Grace Curley.

If you’re a gym rat, which you might be if you’re reading the sports page, quarantine has been a real slap in the face. With gyms closed, how will you get your muscles pumping? Maybe you’re lucky and have exercise equipment at home. But, for us normal people, a lack of access to fitness centers has the potential to put a real damper on workout motivation. This all may sound pretty “doom and gloom,” but I’m here to introduce you to the following magical workout methods—Quarantine style!

Okay, so not everyone has weights at home, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still get a killer arm workout in! Yes, lifting makeshift weights like Lysol containers works fine, but there’s a much simpler answer. According to a recent statistic trending on social media, the average American opens their refrigerator 22 times a day. Is it true? Who knows. But let’s be real—Quarantine boredom has probably caused a fair group of us to drift towards the kitchen more often than before. So if you find yourself opening your fridge a lot during the day, great news: you’re working out your arms! 

Walking in and out of the kitchen multiple times a day also exercises your legs. It’s a bonus if your bedroom and kitchen are separated by a flight of stairs. Picture this: it’s like 9:30 pm and you’re sitting on your bed on your phone (or maybe you’re a good kid and read instead). Suddenly, you have a craving for a late night snack. That means you have to go walk down your stairs, into the kitchen, grab the snack, and climb back up the stairs. It might sound pathetic to call that a workout, but don’t underestimate the power of multiple round trips in one night. 

This one is for those of you looking to get a six pack during self isolation but who are far too lazy to do an actual ab circuit. Hear me out—just laugh a lot. You know the feeling when you laugh so hard your stomach hurts? That sensation is due to the fact that intense laughter works your ab muscles. Crazy convenient, right? My recommendation is that you build as much laughter into your days as possible. Watch a comedic show, look at memes, or FaceTime your funniest friend. Works like a charm. 

Okay. It’s time to talk about cardio. I concede that this is a tricky one. However, it’s not impossible. Running is the easy answer, but unfortunately for most of us, the act of running itself is anything but easy. Thankfully, you can still get a good cardio workout if you’re willing to be creative. One idea is to throw yourself a dance party. Put some upbeat music on and just jump around in your room. If that’s too conventional for you, go outside and pretend like every person you see is infected with COVID-19. Avoiding people on the sidewalk can definitely turn into a dance. So whenever you see someone else, get away from them as fast as possible. (If you’re going to do this, please make sure you actually stay far away from others). 

The moral of the story is this: no gym, no problem! Until fitness centers open up again, use this as a guide to stay in shape. It is absolutely meant to be taken seriously. Even if gyms in Portland do open back up, you should probably still use this as a guide because it’s much more fun. Happy fitness-ing! 

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