Disclaimer: This article is intended to be satirical. The methods and strategies discussed in this article may not work or be appropriate for everyone.
Family reunions are the bane of my existence, and it’s the same for many others. Maybe it’s your aunt’s horrific political takes, creepy uncle, family tension, or meeting relatives that claim to have changed you when you were two despite you having zero recollection of them existing before now. Regardless of our reasons for hating them, here is a guide on how to prepare for family reunions, both mentally and physically.
Conversations are one of the hardest parts of these forced family gatherings. Reconnecting with people that you honestly might not care about can really be a struggle, and preparing strategies to exit conversations are necessary. But instead of the good ol’ run into the bathroom and hide, I suggest attempting to involve another family member in the conversation when someone starts talking to you. Get them talking, and slip away when they aren’t paying attention.
Bringing up politics can also be a deterrent. If your family is anything like mine, politics aren’t really talked about due to different viewpoints that often end up in arguments. Researching current social issues and bringing up controversial takes can be a good way of turning off a conversation. The more extreme you seem to people, the less likely you are to be talked to.
The deep-rooted emotional trauma that can come from these family reunions can be scarring. With loud annoying children plaguing the rooms, and the host screaming at their significant other, it can all be very stress-inducing. Debating someone even louder or having a panic attack are usually my go to strategies.
Another essential to surviving these reunions is your phone. Pretending you’re calling someone, or ignoring people by scrolling through social media: I cannot understate how much of a lifesaver these methods are. Being a hermit at social events and expressing your phone addiction is a major conversational turn-off, so I highly recommend it.
I know family reunions can be tough, especially with seasonal depression and your family’s criticism of taking SSRIs, but hopefully, these tips helped you out in your anxiety-induced adventure.
