Bright Lights

Today I’m going to write a poem about bright lights.

It will not be about what the candle flames are burning in order to make themselves brighter.

It will not be about how the last few weeks make my arms numb and my heart clench tighter.

But rather about the bright lights, I used to see

And how they always made me happy.

But rather about the sunniest days 

Coming down in beautiful golden rays

Blinding me with comfort and kindness

Like the sunrise kiss

We got from your very presence.

But rather about the feeling of warm, watery caffeine-free tea

Seeing her name written on the StepUp sign-in sheet.

Today I’m going to write a poem about 

Bright lights.

Not any of the sleepless nights

Or of what I have yet to foresee

That doesn’t mean as much to me.

The stress

The tears

The confusion 

The fears

Couldn’t mean less to me

And yet it took me so long to write this

How could I not write this?

How could it be so hard to reminisce

The feelings that have lingered with me ever since.

I wish that I could write a poem about bright lights

And describe all of their senses

But I really wish I could describe how much I miss Genesis

And how we could light all the candles in the world and it could never come close

To her.

How she outshone the sun

And I can’t be the only one

Who feels like we lost the brightest light

To a hauntingly starless night.

A soul-crushing, solidly empty void

Where you used to be.

But eventually, my eyes will adjust to not seeing you and focus on

Healing for you

I’ll remember to acknowledge

The light you left in our hearts when you touched them.

I’ll feel you and your nurturing kindness when the thought of you helps me sleep again.

I’ll hear your beautifully enthusiastic 

singing when I regain the strength to dance with it.

Eventually, I’ll see you when I’m able to find the stars from the darkness we kept

And connect every constellation to 

Reveal how much of your bright lights

We still have left.